


Is This What You Wanted?

by ultramarine_citrus



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Healing, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24232960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultramarine_citrus/pseuds/ultramarine_citrus
Summary: It's Azula's birthday. He visits her in the psychiatric hospital.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	Is This What You Wanted?

Cherry blossoms are blooming in the garden. From the window, Azula can see the gardener watering the plants. She prepared the flower arrangement on the table. Not so much of flowers, they are mostly twigs. There is also a teapot and two cups, ready to be served.

Someone's knocking from the back entrance. The door slides open. It's Zuzu. He brings a cake. That means he remembers.

It's the cake their mother used to make for their birthdays, cake with white frosting and strawberries on top. The last time she had one was on her tenth birthday. This cake is way smaller than they used to have.

He closes the door and sits in front of her. Then he lights the candles. Ten seconds have passed. He finally clears his throat. "Uhhhh, happy birthday? I bring a cake." Yes, she can see it very well, Zuzu.

Azula stares at him. He blinks. The bags under his eyes have gotten darker. His hair looks like he had been attacked by a flock of angry turtleducks. It's still weird sometimes he strangely looks like Father no matter how hard he's trying not to. She knows.

"So, okay, I bought you something. You know, Mom used to give us clothes for our birthday, so I figured out a new kimono would be a good gift. Okay." He takes a deep breath.

It's a black kimono. Azula is not sure whether the dumbass knows what the color black signifies. A year ago she would make a comment about it, but right now even breathing is such a task.

"Ah, yeah, okay... I know what you're thinking, but I think it looks cool and it only crossed my mind what the color meant when I was on my way here. So, yeah, I really didn't think it through. But I think it's pretty. You know I was shopping back then and I had a feeling you would like it. So....... here it is." He gestures the kimono on the table.

To be fair, it's not really black. It's dark grey with a splash of red. The delicate patterns are carefully woven. She could see herself wearing it in the future and she knows he wishes her no harm. But still...

She blows out the candles. Of course, they are trick candles. She forgets how annoying Zuzu's smile is. He puts out the candles into a bowl of water as slow as possible, then he slices the cake. He leaves more strawberries on her plate.

The cake still tastes the same. She likes to put the strawberries aside to eat them later. She doesn't like the icing. Father said it's childish. Of course Mother would save it for Zuzu. The word 'like' is an understatement in this term for him.

"So, how was your week?"

The fact that he still asks about it is just plain stupid. She knows about the talk with Wang after each session discussing how's her progress, or the lack of it. Also, Mother would scold him for talking while eating. Living with peasants sure makes him forget about basic courtesy.

"Alright..... But the cake is good right? I make sure they use Mom's recipe. I thought since it's only two of us now, the cake should be smaller. Uncle is busy with his teashop, but he promised to come next week. Yeah, that's about it."

She keeps looking down at her plate. He seems not getting the signal to shut up. Even her eating loudly doesn't make him stop talking. She just wants to eat her cake in peace. Well, scratch that. Peace is nonexistent.

"I've been talking to your therapist, I think I should say that."

Yes, again she knows that. She knows he tries so hard not to give her sad eyes but fails miserably, as always. The last thing she needs from him is sympathy.

"I know you've been hurting yourself."

The scars on her arms are too many to miss. She doesn't try to hide them anymore.

"I just want to say that you're being too hard on yourself. You know, I don't hate you. I never hate you."

Then what should she do about it?

"I'm sorry that Father made us compete with each other. It's horrible. I know you have to keep up with the high expectations."

Father is a coward. He makes her do all the work while he just sat there doing nothing.

"It's not your fault."

Father couldn't even beat the Avatar. She did it all by herself in Ba Sing Se and conquered the city at the same time.

"I just want us to be normal. Well, I know normal is just impossible for us to start. I want to put those bad years behind."

The voices in her head keep getting louder.

"You're not a monster."

Yes, she is.

"You know, actually I always feel intimidated around you. You're so talented in everything, and I'm just me."

A normal person wouldn't try to kill his or her own sibling. 

"You're powerful, but you're never a monster. I know it's only the mask you wear. You care."

She becomes weak these days.

"Can I hug you?"

What in the world is he thinking?

"Probably not, okay. It's weird. We never do that."

They eat in silence for a while. She can hear her breath. The headaches are getting more apparent. She just wants to return to bed now.

The voices in her head are muted. It’s still there but she doesn’t care.

She finishes her plate first. He’s still a slow eater.

The garden outside is too quiet. Dark clouds start covering the sky. The wind is blowing through bamboo trees. She can smell the humid air coming by.

“So, I’ll see you again tomorrow? Take care, okay?” He pats her shoulder twice. She just blinks.

He washes the dishes before leaving.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to write an Azula fic, I'm just still sad about her fate in the finale. I think she felt conflicted about what her mother and father thought of her. She had her father's attention, but her mother were disappointed in her for doing stuff her father would expect her if you guys remember that Ember Island episode. I believe she still had the chance to be good.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated :)
> 
> Stay safe everyone!


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